My Dear Colleagues

Cindy, Xiuqin, Weishan and Sibing must be very familiar with some of my colleagues even though they have not met them. I have been telling so many stories about them that my friends feel that they know my colleagues personally too. So they will go "Oh... that Armani guy..." and "Oh... he's that blah blah blah guy..." whenever I tell them about my work life.

This is 1 of the pictures taken during our monthly gathering for management and servers. So, Cindy, XQ, WS and SB, guess who's who in this pic (no prize for correct guesses though!).

Convocation on 24th July 2007

My parents and I

My Global Marketing Strategy group mates - Ningjia, Feizi and Rhys
Lilin and Huai Ren

Kailin and Kaiwen (Gals, thank you so much for the flowers!)

"Long-lost" RV 4I classmate, Huiyi. We haven't seen each other since we completed O level.
Lynn, who had the same Professional Attachment (PA) Supervisor and we met each other in the same tutorial conducted by our supervisor.

Yuwei, my HNL colleague who happened to see me after congratulating her friends.

My Uni best friend and classmate, Weijing together with Yongming, her elder brother. We shared a lot of fun experiences working on the same projects.
My Applied Research Project mates, Weijing and Chong Wah.

Mr Clive Choo, my PA supervisor cum Strategic Management tutor together with Yongming and Weijing.

Jocelyn and I
Weilin and I
AJC 33/02 classmate, Sally
Ningjia and I

RV 4I classmate, Fangrui

Yingying and I

As you can see the date of my convocation in the title, these pictures were long overdue. Sorry guys, these space has been badly neglected since I started working. But better late than never, right?

At the crossroad

I will be officially graduating from NTU in about 9 hours time when my Convocation Ceremony starts at 10pm.

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It does feel a bit funny to realise that I am still an "undergraduate" at this moment in time but I have actually been slogging hard at work for nearly 2 months. The 2 months away from books, library, tutorial rooms, LT and Profs sometimes make me rather emotional, especially when I am troubled over work.

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I thought I can survive the harsh conditions at work when I was in Wisma, but I was wrong. After the first honeymoon week in Suntec, I am really reconsidering my priorities and my career path. I am exposed to all the cruel realities that are existing in this company, the working style and true colours of my superior, the unreasonable tenants who are not on the same frequency and all the negative elements that make me feel demoralised and disillusioned. Everyday is a brand new day with age-old problems that are outstanding. Sometimes I feel helpless, not knowing what to do with the problems that my colleagues and I faced.

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I have high expectations for myself, I want to perform my very best. That leaves me feeling defeated when I can't get things right and things don't get moving. Last week was terrible, I felt depressed trying to cope with the amount of paper work and operational issues. Telling my parents about the problems at work only made them worry for me. When I felt that I am feeling better on Saturday, things started crashing again on Sunday morning. I needed to hand in assignments to the language centre before going back to work and I wasn't feeling too good after receiving a call informing me of what happened. My colleagues at the centre could sense how stressed I was. Dr Liang even left a sms for me telling me to "take a deep breathe". But the line which made me really emotional contained merely 5 words -“天冷就回来”. I felt like breaking down. Even though I arrived at Suntec an hour before my working hours, I didn't want to report to work straight away. I felt that if I were to step into the office immediately, I will surely cry.

*

I seldom feel so helpless in life and crying over problems is so unlike my usual self. But I guess the water level has been rising continuously, and probably at a rate so fast that I suddenly find myself struggling in the open sea rather than the baby pool. I am not someone who gives up easily though. My 3 months of probation with the company is also the trial period I gave myself to accustom to this industry. If I feel that I can't cope with all the negative externalities, I am leaving for good.

菜鸟随笔#2 (Account of a "New Bird")

FYI, I have been stationed in Suntec since this Monday. So if you went to look for me in Wisma, paiseh. Come and say hello if you happen to come to Suntec. It's smaller than Wisma, so I assume it won't be too difficult to locate me (unless I am in the office doing paperwork).

When I thought I am all ready for this job after 1 month in Wisma, I am faced with new uncertainties and challenges that I have never thought of after my transfer.

I feel that the people in Wisma is warmer and more closely-knitted (at least that's how I feel). Maybe it's because Suntec has just opened and everybody is getting to know one another.

People don't joke as much here and I can sometimes feel the strain in relationships between the different groups of people that we have to work with. There're so many complexities and problems left dangling that we have to resolve. There is the difference in working and management style here that I have to cope with - I don't want to be the "chao siao on" in the team but I want to be responsible enough to do my job. I want to let the people feel that they can rely on me and I am "different". But I don't want my other colleagues to feel that I am too being too "different".

It's complicated.

小小的感动

前天早上在书桌上发现一叠折起来的钞票。

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是爸爸每个月固定发放的“粮饷”。

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心里一阵莫名的感动——我都工作一个月了，还差几天就要领薪水了，但他还是不放心，怕我在等拿薪水的一个月期间不够钱花。

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现在那些钱还放在桌上，我真的不好意思收下。

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大学的学费靠的是从小父母替我存在银行户口的储蓄，还有这两年多在语文中心的酬劳。语文中心的那份薪水虽然不算多，但省一省也够我平时的开销。可是爸爸还是会每个月给我零用钱。

*

现在我出来工作了，是时候让他喘口气了。

菜鸟随笔#1 (Account of a "New Bird")

My most spoken language at work (in descending order):

Mandarin, Broken-Singlish (what can be worse than this?), Hokkien, Malay

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My direct colleagues:

My Manager, Senior Supervisor and 2 Supervisors (ALL male)

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My indirect colleagues:

The cleaning team consisting of uncles and aunties together with young lads from Sabah and Sarawak, the stall attendants who are mostly uncles and aunties also.

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The most "shocking" moment on my first day:

Hearing the manager sprouts vulgarity in a closed-door meeting in the office (I think he would have cursed more "aggressively" if a girl is not there)

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The "proudest" moment:

To learn that I am the first female in the entire operation team

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The irony:

To lose 2kg since I started working, even though I am supposedly working in a food paradise

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The most paiseh:

To be called all sorts of names like “小姐”,“美女”and “美美” and you have to respond

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The ultimate-act-blur:

To act as if nothing happens even though you know the young lads and uncles are ogling or talking behind your back

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My worst fear:

That my English and Mandarin will worsen

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The constant reminder to myself:

That I must not act like an Ah-Lian outside work

Clever advertisement

Initially wanted to post this on last Sunday for Fathers' Day but I forgot. Can you see how clever this advertisement is?

A student no more...

About 2 months ago, I was still trying hard to complete my projects and presentations. Then, after all the preparations for exams, I sat for my final exams. Now, my student life is over.

I have been sending out resumes since end of last year but no company replied. Then I tried my luck after seeing Food Republic recruitment on Recruit (although I wasn't really keen on a job in the F&B industry due to prior experience). 2 days later, I received a call from the HR and I was told to go down for an interview at Suntec.

The interview was not to choose a suitable candidate but more of a getting-to-know-you session. In other words, I was shortlisted even before the interview and the session was only to see if this person is ok. After a week of consideration, I accepted the offer and on 1st June, I started work in Wisma.

Things happened in such fast pace that I hardly feel the transition from a student's life to a working adult's life. Into the second week of my work, I terribly miss school life because there's greater freedom and more time for my vices. Now, life is a regular pattern of work-sleep, work-sleep and work-sleep... I hardly have time to read the papers, check my email, surf net and make plans to go for performances.

Due to the nature of my work, I have to work on shift and on weekends when others are out making merry or resting at home. If I am on the morning shift, I report to work at 8am and end my work at 3.30pm on weekdays and 4pm on weekends. However, this isn't the case because unforeseen events usually happened just before I finished work and I often stayed back for more than an hour. Sometimes, my manager would give us "lectures" lasting an hour. The afternoon shift starts on 3.30pm and 4pm on the weekday and weekend respectively. Work ends at 11pm on weekday and 12am plus on weekend. So imagine reaching home at 1am and reporting to work again at 8am.

The people I meet there is very diverse and the things I do are not the kind of things that you would expect a graduate to do. There are a lot of interesting stories to tell right from Day 1 but I don't seem to have the time to blog about it. So hopefully I can release bite-size information about my experiences whenever I can. Do keep a look out!

Indulgence

It seems that I just can't get enough of The Phantom of the Opera.

If you haven't been reading my previous entry, Brad Little played the Phantom for the musical in Singapore. I feel that his voice is more expressive and powerful than Michael Crawford, the original Phantom. Crawford's voice is thinner and sometimes lacks variation in tone. However, I must say that without Crawford's initial interpretation and contribution to the creation of this dark character behind the mask, the Phantom would not go this far. So Crawford must still be lauded for his talent which shapes the Phantoms that we see now.

Here's a clip dedicated to you, Julia - "Brad Little, Unmasked". Feel his strong stage presence albeit without the mask.

Brad Little sings "Music of the Night"

Here's an interesting one - the actors and actresses talking about the show when they were in Hong Kong.

Interview of Brad Little, Marni Raab & John Bowles

More audio clips of Brad Little singing. He's amazing.

The Mirror/Angel of Music/The Phantom of the Opera

I Remember/Stranger Than You Dreamt It

The Point of No Return

All I Ask of You

Little sang the song for his South Korean fans before his concert impromtu, without accompaniment. This song is actually sang by Raoul and Christine in the musical. Little was playing the role of Raoul before he went on the play the Phantom.

An introduction to The Phantom of the Opera

Prologue

The Phantom of the Opera is a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber, based on the novel novel by French novelist Gaston Leroux. The music was composed by Webber, with lyrics by Charles Hart and additional lyrics by Richard Stilgoe.

The musical focuses on a beautiful singer, Christine Daaé, who becomes the obsession of a mysterious, disfigured musical genius known as "The Phantom of the Opera," who terrorizes the Paris Opera.

The Phantom of the Opera was inspired by a different musical version of the same story by Ken Hill, which Lloyd Webber saw at the Theatre Royal Stratford East in 1984 . The music for Lloyd Webber's version was composed specifically for the voice of his then-wife Sarah Brightman.

The musical was produced by Cameron Mackintosh and Lloyd Webber's Really Useful Group and opened at Her Majesty's Theatre in London on October 9, 1986, where it still runs as of 2007. The original cast included Michael Crawford (the Phantom), Sarah Brightman (Christine), and Steve Barton (Raoul), all of whom reprised their roles in the Broadway production, which opened on January 26, 1988 at the Majestic Theatre, where it still is running as of 2007. It is now the longest-running Broadway musical of all time, breaking the record held by Lloyd Webber's Cats on January 9, 2006 with its 7,486th performance.

Major Characters

• The Phantom of the Opera (tenor/baritone) — The genius composer and musician who lives beneath the opera house. Facially deformed from birth, the Phantom hides behind a white mask and is known to the managers and actors as the "Opera Ghost". His name is given in the novel as Erik. The role of the Phantom was first performed by Michael Crawford, with over 1,300 performances in London, New York, and Los Angeles. Although the role of The Phantom is normally played by a tenor, he has been played by baritones numerous times, including Gerard Butler in the film version and Howard McGillin who holds the record for most performances in the role on Broadway (over 1,300).

• Christine Daaé (soprano) — A chorus girl at the Opéra Populaire, and the daughter of a prominent violinist. Although talented, she lacks focus until the Phantom takes her under his wing and teaches her to sing. The role of Christine Daae is generally shared by two performers; the regular actress performs six times a week and the alternate performs at the other two performances. This practice was started by the original London and Broadway Christine Daae, Sarah Brightman, ostensibly due to the vocal demands of the role.

• Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny (tenor/baritone) — The patron of the Opéra Populaire and a childhood sweetheart of Christine's, who rediscovers her singing at the Opéra.

The haunting theme song of The Phantom of the Opera

Brad Little, playing Phantom in this clip, was the Phantom that we saw in Singapore. He's the Phantom with an expressive voice and some even feel that his fingers are "sexy".

Music of the Night

Did you notice that this is a direct continuation of the previous clip? It's just that the cast is different ie. the "Phantom" and "Christine" are different.

This is still "Music of the Night". But this clip is significant as the Phantom here is Michael Crawford, who was the original Phantom in the 1986 London play, inspiring the many Phantoms after that. His style of acting, body movements and voice expressions are still seen in many Phantoms even till today.

All I Ask of You (Reprise)

This is Brad Little again. You can't help but feel sorry for Phantom when he slowly revealed himself from behind the statue. Apparently, he had saw Christine and Raoul singing "All I Ask of You" on the rooftop of the opera house and how we wished he had not seen it. Knowing that he saw it made us all pity him.

The Point of No Return

I find that the arrangement of the "The Point of No Return" sounds a bit like tango in the beginning. This scene is really the climax of the whole musical. Phantom posed as Don Juan in the opera he wrote, which was supposed to be played by Piangi, a flamboyant Italian-accent actor. However, Phantom killed Piangi and assumed his role as Don Juan, acting with Chrsitine without her knowing. Climax comes when Piangi was found dead on the set, and Christine revealed the hood of Don Juan to find the deformed face of Phantom. This is the first time audience get to see the face behind the mask after so long into the musical.

"The Angel of Music Sings Songs in My Head..."

最近几天，脑子里都是《The Phantom of the Opera》里面的旋律。感觉有点像 Christine 一样，被 Phantom 的歌声迷惑了。所以这篇以 《Angel of Music》里面，Christine 唱的 “The Angel of Music sing songs in my head! ”为题。

我很少因为爱情故事而感动，遑论掉泪。但上个星期三在看《The Phantom of the Opera》的时候，我真的有掉泪的冲动。华丽多变的服装、似真似幻的舞台设计、出色的灯光音效、魔术般的舞台特效、动人耐听的歌曲、优秀的演员、注定要以悲剧收场的故事……不感动，很难。

有一点后悔没有狠下心买贵一点的门票（虽然当晚的$97的门票是忍痛买下的，而且踌躇了好久）。

剧中非常经典的一幕——男女主角乘着小船到 Phantom 的地下 labyrinth。

一个半边脸毁容、必须靠面具才能面对别人的人，要怎么和一个样貌堂堂的美男子竞争？如果你是女主角Christine，你会要一个青梅竹马（后来失去联络，但又重逢）、英俊潇洒的Raoul，还是一个见不得人、只能靠完美又具催眠性的声音来迷惑人心的Phantom（其实在原著里他叫Erik）？所以，虽然她沉醉于他的歌声之中、虽然她对它又敬又畏，但 Raoul 的完美更凸显出 Phantom 的残缺。她和Phantom 是师徒关系，仅此而已，谈婚论嫁绝对不会考虑他。Raoul的出现，又或许是 Phantom 本身的不完美，注定要让他的爱情没有童话般的结局。这里没有“happily ever after”的结局。Phantom 作为弱者，又没有得到 Christine，观众自然对他更加同情。

一个性格扭曲、长期与外界隔绝的人，要怎么学会去爱？他本来充满仇恨和占有欲，想要把Christine占为己有。可是，Christine 最后在他的威逼下宁愿跟他走，为的只是要救她的真爱Raoul。这才让他了解什么叫爱。他虽然悲痛欲绝，但却还是成全了他们，让自己消失在歌剧院的阴暗地下水道中。

对于 Phantom 这个角色的成功塑造，正是这部音乐剧自80年代首演以来历久不衰的原因。

毫无疑问，他是个性格复杂的悲剧人物。他是个歌剧奇才、声音完美无瑕。他对 Christine 用情至深，关爱备至。他占有欲强、心狠手辣，更是杀人凶手。他不完全是坏人，但也绝对不是好人。

可是，观众还是比较同情他的。就像我，我在最后他硬把 Christine 赶走，让她和Raoul远走高飞的时候，既感到心酸又感动。为了成全爱人而牺牲自己，以至最后得不到所爱的人，确实更叫人同情怜爱。这个人物的种种不幸——以生俱来的脸部缺陷所带来的性格扭曲、渴望被爱却又无法得到，牵动着整个音乐剧，也因此让观众投入了大量的感情。看到最后 Phantom 把 Christine 赶走，Christine 把戒指还给他时，我的心大概也和他一样，彻底碎了……

音乐剧结束后走出剧院，眼泪还在眼眶里打转，《Music of the Night》、《Phantom of the Opera》、《All I Ask of You》、《The Point of No Return》等等旋律在脑海中久久不散。看来这一段日子我还会彻底 indulge 在这其中，至少让我在还没堕入红尘体验世俗之苦前，让 The Angel of Music Sings Songs in My Head……

Life after exams

You must be wondering what happened to me after exams at the end of April.

No, I wasn't shaking legs at home after all the weeks of hard work.

No, I wasn't buried under the piles of "How to write a perfect resume" trying to produce a sure-sell resume.

No, I wasn't called up for interview so often that I don't have time for other things (in fact, I didn't even receive any call to go for interview which makes me feel very worried).

So what have I done so far after exams?

1. Finished marking a few piles of exams paper and there are some more to go
2. Went for 3-hr crash course on radio broadcasting
3. After the crash course (only 1!), I had produced half a morning programme, a full afternoon programme and a night-time programme with 3 different mentors to date. I did the talking, pushing buttons, news-reading and of course, the bonus is I get to choose to play my favourite songs (in Mandarin, English and guess what, Hokkien and Cantonese haha...)

That's the 机遇 I mentioned earlier. I think I need to tell you all this because some of you have been asking me very curiously. In case you want to catch me on air, I can tell you that it's extremely difficult.

Why?

Because I didn't appear in some conventional stations like FM933 or FM1003. I am on Rediffusion. What? What Rediffusion? Maybe you are more familiar with its Chinese name.

丽的呼声. Heard that before? If you haven't, go ask you parents, maybe your grandparents. I am sure they have lived to see the glorious days of this subscribed radio channel, the one and only in Singapore.

I wonder if I can take some pictures of myself in the studio when I go solo this Wednesday night. Yep, I am going solo soon and I still mixed up the buttons on the equipment and very often pushed the wrong buttons. Good luck to me on Wednesday.



P/S: If you ever found anyone who subscribed to Rediffusion, please let me know.

Yummy Yummy! (Episode 4)

Wanna recommend to you all, this -

Taco Salad from Carl's Jr.

It tastes very unique. The ingredients used are very similar to those found in burrito that is served in Taco Bell found in Singapore donkey years ago.

Chocolates! Chocolates!

Look at these chocolates I made for my FYP mates using a DIY kit from MUJI. Aren't they cute?

Introducing my favourite animation

Have I said that I LOVE the animation, McDull (麦兜) from Hong Kong? This animation features a cartoon pig called McDull raised in a single-parent family. McDull is a student in kindergarten and his mother, being a typical Hong Kong parent expects him to get good grades. This is a MTV for the animation and the title is a funny one - "仲有最靓得猪腩肉" (《还有最好的猪肚肉》in Chinese and "Still Got Nice Pork Belly" in English). Well it's very funny! I can't understand everything fully because it's in Cantonese but guessing the meaning is fun enough. Oh ya, stars like Anthony Wong and Sandra Ng lend voices to this animation.





Mrs Mak, McDull's mother is teaching how to make "纸包鸡" and other "dishes". It's in Chinese, so it should be easier to understand.





Look at McDull's kindergarten classmates comprising of various other animals and what they teach them in class.




This is one of the best clips, very warm and touching. McDull wanted Mrs Mak to buy him a goldfish but his mother wanted him to get full marks for his exams before he can get a goldfish. McDull worked very hard and he scored 100 marks! However, Mrs Mak lied to McDull that he can get a baby goldfish by hatching a "fish-egg" (fish ball is called fish-egg 鱼蛋 in Hong Kong). McDull believes so and takes really good care of the "egg".

看完这部连续剧就是一个奇迹

最近的周日晚上9点，我们一家都会围着电视讨论8频道播映的《奇迹》。这应该是多年来唯一一部让我每天乖乖在晚上9点以前回到家，守在电视前，一集都不放过的连续剧，虽然我还是要说：“新传媒，你别再堕落了！”


新买点
这部戏的故事主轴还是那种老掉牙的多角恋情，一边是林明伦 - 范文芳 - 曹国辉，另一边是姜大卫 - 白薇秀 - 陈泓宇 - 宋仪霏。明明要说的是医院里的奇迹嘛，搞得剧中的主要医护人员都有躺在医院的机会，然后奇迹般复原，好像意外根本没发生过似的。可是这部连续剧有一个很好的卖点，而我觉得这个在剧情的发展和宣传的时候并没有被好好把握。

这整部戏的看头，就是代号“5225”的老少配——52岁、有社会地位的院长配25岁的小护士。

看到这年龄和身份的悬殊所带来的戏剧张力吗？（套一句 Global Marketing Strategy 的导师 Ian 说的: "Even the S*U people knows this?!"）但是这部戏的编剧还是没有抓到重点，以为什么都来一点就是一部好戏。


“经典台词”
以下是让我们全家捧腹大笑的“经典台词”（大意）：

院长和小曼在用餐后抢着结账，侍应生看不下去。
侍应生：Uncle, 就让你的女儿请客吧！
（院长看着侍应生，一脸的尴尬）

后来，院长想通了，跳完那段让两人定情的舞蹈后，再到之前那家餐厅用餐。
（侍应生在结账时看到又是两人）
侍应生：这次是爸爸还是女儿付账？
（院长笑了笑）
院长：他不是我女儿。
侍应生：那你们是朋友？
（这时小曼伸手去拉院长的手，承认并表示接受两人的关系）
侍应生：哦……我知道了！

很老套、很容易预料的对话。稍微用脑的人大概不难预先猜到院长和侍应生的对话内容。我甚至在怀疑，为什么我在进步中但新传媒却没有？

可是这样老掉牙的情节在我看来还是很新鲜有趣的，就因为这样的老少配很少（没有）在本地戏剧出现过。所以即使对话内容在意料之中，就是觉得它“烂而不腻”。可是编剧偏偏没有好好地发展情节，反而落入俗套、重新炒“多角恋”的冷饭。在我看来，有姜大卫护航，编剧大可放胆写些高难度一点的，因为他在戏里演起来总是那么轻而易举，似乎没花多少功力就过关了。反而是白薇秀，即使是两眼红肿、目光呆滞、神情哀伤，还是显得那么力不从心。姜大卫的经验老到，更能凸显出白薇秀演技的稚嫩。


关于老少配的接受程度
可能是编剧和演员担心本地观众对老少恋不太能够接受，因此姜大卫和白薇秀在处理两人的对手戏是点到为止，就连谈情说爱也是蜻蜓点水。最令我感到别扭的，是小曼由始至终都称男朋友为“院长”。她是25岁的摩登女孩，怎么对于这种事，像70年代的电影女主角称男朋友为“xx哥” ，做作得很。

是的，本地观众是保守的，对新的事物与看法不太能够接受，所以我能理解编剧和演员为了不引起“公愤”，而对剧情小心处理。你看报章上观众对演员的发型、服装和演绎方式的种种幼稚和极端的恶评，就能看出本地观众其实还是不成熟的。你看本地青年的自我主义、夜间活动的日渐蓬勃和政府对于综合娱乐村的态度，就不难发现我们正处于转型中的新加坡。但一些本地人还是抗拒时代的变迁所带来的变化，对“不正常”的事物非常抗拒。

这种年龄差距极大的恋情难免会招人非议，就如同性恋和异族恋一样，在一些人眼中其实是畸恋。但在现实生活中，老少恋其实是时有所见的，并没有什么好大惊小怪。两个人若真心相爱，又能接受可能招致的议论，我是会给予祝福的。我还以为我妈会对这段老少配有意见，但她却说：“这样很平常的嘛……”想不到我妈还是挺开放的，但就不知道如果是发生在我或是我妹身上，她还会说得那么淡定吗？



后记：《奇迹》让我重新认识了姜大卫。还记得很小的时候，妈妈每天都会在傍晚时分收看港剧《难得有情人》（也叫《再见亦是老婆》），而姜大卫在剧里的窝囊丈夫角色就让我印象深刻。那也应该是我认识这个演员的第一部戏。趁《奇迹》还在播映时，从Esplanade Library借了两部姜大卫在70年代拍的电影，一部是李翰祥的《倾国倾城》，另一部是张彻的《刺马》。《倾》里他演一个小太监，《刺》他演为结义兄弟报仇的好汉。光听这两个角色的极大差别，你大概也能猜到他是个全能演员吧？是的，他真的演得很好！

机遇

星期六上完课正打算收拾东西离开。这时，隔壁的同事走进来，看起来好像有事要问我。我还以为是关于出题的事，原来不是。

上门来的，是一个在我看来年轻人可能都有过的梦想，虽然不是每个人天生都具备这个行业所需的条件。当然，对于这个同事的赏识，我是心存感激的，因为在他眼中的优点，其实从小到大既让我欢喜有让我忧。喜的是，它让我与众不同，而且加深别人对我的印象；忧的是，它太与众不同了，有时对我造成了一定的困扰。

当然，这个一些人梦寐以求的希望到底能不能成真，还要经过测试。而且，同事也说要看个人的意愿，所以现在什么都还言之尚早。有好消息的话，我再告诉大家吧。

四个演出，口袋破洞

这一篇entry分几天写下来，写了好久。你接下去看就知道为什么了。

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从二月底到现在，我看了4个艺术表演，同时扎了3个projects。那3个烦人的报告我就不说了，就说那4个表演吧？

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1）台湾表演工作坊与明华园——《暗恋桃花源》

不愧是舞台剧经典！刚开场时是个悲剧，当你沉浸在悲伤的气氛中时，舞台的灯光暗了又亮。这时你才惊觉原来刚才台上的演员是在排戏。后来，一群穿古装的演员走进来了。台上一边是穿着30年代旧上海服装的演员，另一边是穿着古装的演员，看起来真是滑稽。一个舞台，两个剧团；一个是横跨五十多年的悲剧《暗恋》，一个是把陶渊明的《桃花源记》改编得面目全非的喜剧《桃花源》。两个剧团争取舞台排练，所以观众有时看悲剧，有时看喜剧。当你觉得快要哭的时候，《桃花源》就上演了，当你还没来得及消化之前的笑话时，《暗恋》又上演了。

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就这样，我又伤心有开心，又伤心又开心。虽然听起来有点精神SM，可是这真的是一出好戏。我从小陪阿公阿嬷和妈妈看传统大戏，但却从来没看过像明华园那么modern的歌仔戏。除了道具布景逼真之外，还有吊钢线的表演。那场巨浪翻滚、雷电交加的戏，配合男主角吊钢线演出被巨浪卷起的情形，看得我们哇声连连。而且台语（闽南语）的对白也十分精彩，不知是不是我“少听多怪”。一些形容词，用方言说起来还是比较有趣的。其实，我发现一些在讽刺台湾时局的台词或笑话，还是能引起本地观众的共鸣的。《暗恋桃花源》大概说中了华人都在关注的课题吧？

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没有看这出戏的朋友，你走宝了！这出戏自二十年前在台湾上演以来，还是第一次来到本地咧！

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2）南大华乐团——《南大云音》

原本应该是在台上的，最终却成了观众，感到非常遗憾。但也庆幸我没参与，因为我这个没有常常去练习的人实在没有必要给别人添乱子。演出前的一个多小时，打听到乐团还没排练完毕，就被赶下台了，心里不禁为等一下的演出水准冒冷汗。记得去年的《十面埋伏》也是没有彩排就演出的，那时我们在演奏时都是战战兢兢的，结果表现还出人意表地比平时练习还好。所以，我就姑且抱着观望的态度吧。

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几首曲子这样听下来，ok lor……还好，没有想象中的糟糕，但当然也不能叫人满意。整个乐团大概是被一连五天的练习累坏了，在台上一点活力也没有，音乐听起来实在很闷，无论黄老师指挥得多兴奋，乐团都还是照着自己的情绪走。教了一整天的书，又听到那么没劲儿的音乐……唉，好想闭上眼睛睡觉。

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3）台湾国光豫剧队——《试妻·弑妻》

走过灯光阴暗，满地落叶，树叶低垂的小剧场通道，我们猛然发现通道的一旁跪着一个身穿黑衣，草帽压得低低的神秘男子。吓死人了！在入口的附近，我们就好像是走进了一个由树枝架起的山洞。这时，走在我们前面的 uncle 发难了。"I am a safety engineer. Do you know that this（剧场内外的布置） is very dangerous?" （大意）我们都快笑出来了，“Uncle， 不需要那么认真吧？小心一点就好了啊。”观众席前面不设防的舞台中央，在满地的落叶上，躺着一个白衣女子，怪吓人的。

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我们找到空位，一屁股坐下来就忙着向各方汇报生活近况。这时，坐在莉薇身旁的auntie突然冒出了一句：“这是theatre咧，你们可以不要说话吗？”惊讶！这是在开场前hor！我们当时除了感到意外之外，也不说什么，就乖乖地等戏上场。后来想想，我们也太乖了吧，没有酸她。还没开场耶！！！*生气*

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后来，演出开始了。整个演出就在一种很诡异、很神秘的情况下进行。一旁的演员不时发出鬼叫狼嚎，配合昏暗的灯光和逼真的音效，没有胆量的观众千万不要看。我们前排有个小男孩一直吵着他的妈妈要她带他出去，所以整个演出除了鬼叫声外，还会听到一把稚嫩而略带不耐烦的声音。你一定会想，刚才那个auntie的正义凛然到哪里去了？是的，她在戏上演前叫我们安静，但却纵容那个小孩在演出进行时吵闹！散场后，莉薇一边走出剧场，一边在酸她刚才在演出进行时说话。不知道大妈她有没有听到？ 大妈倚老卖老 （其实我们上剧场的经验应该比她多吧？你以为我们不懂剧场规矩吗？），却没胆量叫前排的妈妈把孩子带出去。Typical Singaporean!

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4）国大华乐团——《三月天·征》

去这个演出，不为什么，只为了捧 Mr Lum 的场。这是他和国大华乐团的第二十五个年头咧！人生有几个二十五年？

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Mr Lum 为了纪念这个二十五年，亲自上场演奏了二胡协奏《兰花花叙事曲》。从立化和他学琴到现在当他的观众，我们大概认识九年了吧？我从没看过他在台上独奏，当他还在新加坡华乐团时也没有，所以这次的演出真的很难得。当乐团奏了引子后，轮到 Mr Lum 了。听到他的前几个音，我真的很激动，就是这把琴声！这个九年前在旧立化的后座课室，每个星期六都会听到的熟悉琴声，比 mp3 里播放的《兰花花》还要真实动人。眼眶顿时感觉微湿。

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《早报·现在》访问 Mr Lum，他说双手被关节炎所苦，但为了这次演出重新练琴，感觉好了许多。看了报道还真为他担心，但看他在台上运弓自如，跳把时手指灵活，丝毫没有因病而影响发挥。我想他应该为了这个演出付出了不少。所以，当晚我真的很感动。

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演出结束后，碰到了 Mr Lum。他还要招呼来宾，匆匆地和我擦肩而过，但他还是和我寒暄几句、亲切地问我：“还在练琴吗？”我这才记起，原来已经好几年没有好好和他聊了，这几年陆续在几个乐团打转的事，他大概不知道。Mr Lum，还有机会看到你的独奏吗？

Oh dear... I am ageing...

Thanks to julia, I am doing this again after 4 years. I remembered doing the same test in J2 and to my horror, my psychological age is 28! You can imagine how shock I was when my actual age was 18 then. I wonder what happened to me after that because my psychological age decreases and the age difference shrinks.

鑑定結果

您的精神年齡24歲
與您實際年齡差2歲
幼稚度36％
成熟度57％
老化度8％

我们仨

两个人的世界，应该容不下第三个人。我是多余的吗？

One step forward

I received an email to file for the Minor Award yesterday and I did so. This means that I have completed my required curriculum for minor. So it's one step forward to graduation! That's fast...

每逢佳节倍思亲

二十几年来第一个少了阿公的年除夕和新年。

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除夕本来是我们全家回到阿公家，吃团圆饭、提早向阿公阿嬷拜年的时候。但除夕早上，我们把阿公送上山，下午回去领出他的骨灰。晚上的年夜饭，是两包快熟面。我特意选择鲍鱼鸡汤面安慰自己。

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这一个星期的事情发生得太快了。10/2晚上到医院见过阿公，17/2除夕下午看到的却是他的一箱白骨。这二十几年的眼泪，好像是在这一星期里面都流完了。从10/2晚上开始，只要一闲下来，无论是在学校对着电脑、上学或回家途中、巴士上、地铁上、冲凉时、临睡前……都会感觉眼前一片迷蒙，眼泪老是不停地在打转。

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我伤心的是阿公走了，更伤心的是他选择在原本该一家团聚时离开我们。我还以为他可以熬过年的……听小叔说他过世的前几天还嚷着要出院去换新钞票，他还要给我们这些孙子红包……我知道他快不行了，但我没想到那天是我见到他的最后一面。

终点的终点

17/2/2007（星期六——大年除夕） 雨

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早上10.40几分：隔着玻璃，我们看着棺材缓缓地移近焚化炉。最后，焚化炉的闸门打开了，露出了黑得不能见底的坑。棺材就这样被黑洞吞噬。这短短的几秒钟是最令人肝肠寸断的。我们只能隔着玻璃，痛哭失声，愿阿公一路走好。这几天因为丧事忙得不可开交的爸爸和小叔，也在这时难忍悲痛，眼泪决堤。我还是第一次看到爸爸流泪。

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下午2.10分：我们领出了骨灰。这么样的一个人，最后却只有一个塑料箱子那么多。我们按辈分拾起一块骨头，放入瓮中。我拿到的应该是手部的其中一个关节。第一次握着人骨，什么感觉也没有，只想哭。就在一个星期前，阿公还活生生地在我面前。

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下午3时几分：阿公永远地定居在他的最后安息处。我们为他献上了最后的敬意。

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人的躯体还真是一个臭皮囊，根本就不属于你，只是暂时借你一用罢了。

不忍

躺在里面的阿公，和我的印象中的差太多了。

遗照里的他，像是在按下快门的那一刹那还没做好准备，正笑得合不拢嘴。

遗照中和印象中的他，都不像是里面的他。叫我怎么能不痛心？

我不太愿意去看他的遗容，因为我要记住他最美好的一面、因为我不忍心看到那张被折磨得不成型的脸、因为我会哭……

醒醒吧，愚昧的人！

我相信任何宗教都是劝人向善的，但宗教碰到了人，有时是会被扭曲的。我觉得人是需要宗教信仰来作为寄托的，但一味的沉迷、迷信、信而不思，只会让自己变得愚昧、无知、目中无人、自以为是。

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你自己以宗教理由不为阿公下跪就算了。你还不让阿公的孙子那么做！他们也有权利跟着他们爸爸的宗教。什么是佛？什么是神？什么是主？谁见过他们了？可是阿公确实是存在过的。你宁愿相信你没见过的是那么尊贵无比、高高在上，也不相信躺在里面的那个人也需要你的尊重！

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醒醒吧，愚昧的人！

走到终点

我害怕的事还是发生了。来的并不突然，但我还是很难接受。

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我都不知该为终点的到来感到伤心还是欣慰。

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爸妈下去了，家里只有我一个。今晚还得改完十几份的作文、明天还有从早上8点半开始不间断的6小时课、明天还要赶在回家前交报告、交报告后还得到油池交作业……我什么时候才能看到他？

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我要怎么面对他那张被折磨得我都快认不出的脸。

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有人陪在他身旁，走完最后的路吗？

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他最后还想说些什么？

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那晚，他只是惦记着我几时戴上方帽。就只差那么几个月……

人生如果可以选择

这个生日不值得庆祝，不用为我庆生了。这是成年以来最难过的生日，不庆祝也罢，没心情。

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有时我真希望自己不用长大，时间不会前进。这样的话，眼前人就不会改变、不会失去。

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我们上过一次当。但这次是白衣人说的，终点快到了。

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他绝对不是称职的丈夫和爸爸，但我很难因为我没看到的事而恨他。

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人活在世上是痛苦的。人生的两件大事——生和死由不得自己。什么时候出世、什么时候走，是不能选择的。所以我越来越明白，为什么佛家说只有成佛才能得到解脱，免去堕入红尘的轮回之苦。

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如果有一天我走不了，请让我走，别把我留下。因为想走却走不了才是最大的折磨。

A not-so-short story

After so many attempts to find a professor who can help us with our statistical results from the SPSS, we finally found a kind soul - the current Research Method (RM) lecturer who took over from our previous lecturer. He is the lecturer of one of my FYP mates, CW, when he took RM a sem after WJ and I.

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This professor is a South Korean (sorry, he doesn't look like the actors you see in weepy Korean soap opera). He came to give WJ and I a lecture when the previous lecturer was on leave and seriously, we did not have a good impression of him because of how he made us keep quiet during the lecture.

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And 2 sem passed. WJ and I had never seen him again after that lecture which left us feeling irritated.

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It was after two attempts to schedule for an appropriate time to visit him in the office that we finally get to see him. We won't blame him of course, we are asking him for a favour. He did not have to make time for us since we are not his FYP students. What touched us more was that he sent sms personally to CW at about 5am in early morning to reschedule the meeting. He certainly did not wait till his office hour to help students.

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Walking up to his office at the scheduled time, we heard voices behind closed door. Someone speaking in lightly-accented English and voices of 2 girls in local accent. I quipped that it was like hearing Rain speaks English. CW went to knock on his door to make our presence known and he came back to to tell us what he saw from the slightly opened door. He said Prof no longer spot black hair! While waiting for him to finish his consultation with the 2 girls, we heard familiar terms - ANOVA, t-test and blah blah... All statistical terms. I bet he must be really busy this sem as almost all groups using SPSS will seek his help since the previous lecturer had left.

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I think I am too shock to say anything after seeing him close-up in office. Er... yes, his hair is dyed a copper tone and he must have traded his ah-chek style specs for a more youthful looking one. He looked so different from what I remember of him giving us lecture more than a year ago. He was so "uncle" then (if Prof Nam ever sees this, please forgive me! you really look more up-to-date now! I mean it).

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I think he gave the most effective and efficient consultation that I have ever had. He pointed out our mistakes and told us the reasons for them in like, no time? The best part was, he knew what we are doing without prior involvement in our research. And we understood his explanation! It was so to-the-point. So effortless on his part! It is either that we are too dumb or he is too clever. We were done in less than 15 min, with all doubts cleared, at least for now.

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Because of his excellent explaining ability and utmost willingness to help his students (even those that he doesn't even know), he becomes my idol. I aspire to be like him when I teach my students. Thank you so much, Prof Inwoo Nam! You are definitely one of the few lecturers on my "this prof knows how to teach" list.

Prince playing

Prince knows exactly when his dinner time is.

At 6pm sharp (or sometimes 5 to 10 min earlier depending on whether he has a snack before that), he will play with his little blue ball to signal that it's time to give him dinner. He will take the ball around the living room while his dinner is being prepared and get very excited when he hears the sound of the spoon banging against his food bowl. When dinner is finally taken out of the kitchen, he will carry his blue ball all the way to where his bowl is and dropped it beside him.

Here's a clip of his little dance around the living room before dinner.

The most intriguing movie of 2006

Forget about Fear Factors, Survivor, Project Runways and The Apprentice etc etc. Now the most IN reality show is Mockumentary.

Watch BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN before the movie stops running in local cinemas and you won't find a DVD release because of its R21 rating.

You will find out how people learn to be politically-correct while they remain racist subconsciously.

*you may find the content on YouTube offensive, viewer's discretion required*

My Wishlist (if you really want to know)

Gnibis asked if I have a wishlist for that special day this year. Err... I haven't thought of that. It's not my style to go around telling everyone and making everyone remembers it. It does not even sound like me if I were to ask you for something. I believe in earning whatever I want by myself. And because of well, the practical part of me, sometimes I wish someone had given me something that I can use instead.

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So if you want to ask me the same question again I will tell you that my wish list goes like this:

1) Health, laughter and peace for my family, friends and those that I know

2) Graduate with a decent degree this July

3) Start my career, not just a job

4) Have more friends joining me for arts performances

5) Have at least an accompany for a semi-backpacking trip this year

6) Share my passion for books and Chinese language with the big and small kids I teach

7) No major disaster this year

8) World peace

Random thoughts

I guess this semester will come and go so quickly that I didn't even take notice of it.

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In 3 months time, I will be released into a larger community called SOCIETY and I am expected to perform my duties as an educated and efficient member of the workforce. To quote Ian, who is teaching Global Marketing Stategies this semester, the "unsuspecting public" thought we know everything that we need to know. Yes, EVERYTHING. But do we really do?

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3 years seem so short, let alone 3 months.

The 4I'2001 CO Gang aka My Best Friends/Classmates

The 4I'2001 CO gang at Wisma Atria on 5th January 2007

The 4I'2001 CO gang, comprises of 4 cellists and a erhu'ist. Odd combi, right? I think this is our first photo taken together after so many years. I guess little has changed except that we all spot longer hair now and perhaps pile on more weight (I am refering to yours truly here).

This dinner is long overdue. Hence we have to celebrate 3 birthdays together in a night for Lingwei the Nov baby, Lijia the Dec baby and Liwei our 大姐大 who just had her birthday on 3rd Jan. The Ajisen ramen left us feeling so full but yet helped us save some money with no GST and service charge. We should visit this ramen restaurant more often.

I hope the 3 girls are all happy with their presents which were bought with much coordination. Think of this - the 4 of us have to buy Liwei's present without her knowing, then 4 of us must buy present for Lijia without her knowing and Lingwei must not know about her present too. Liwei and I were panicking when we were supposed to meet at an earlier time to get Lijia and Lingwei's present but Lijia suddenly messaged us to say that she was at the train station already haha.